By any other name
by smile like a fish
Summary: Ron is in love... He is granted the unique gift of seeing his loves true light while others only see the facade presented to a harsh world. Harry is his light, his warmth, his purpose his everything. Slash...


Disclaimer: well obviously I don't own Harry Potter… I do have a lovely box set of the books though YAY

Warnings: will contain: slash and bad language

This story is for Aya

………………………………………………………………..

Chapter one… A summer's day

The sun is blinding in its effortless arc across the molten sky, it presses heavily down on me sapping the strength usually so abundant in me until I feel as though I could drown in my own sweat. The tree I'm lying beneath acts as no filter against the harsh summer sun, I can already feel the tingle of the imminent sunburn that staying outside in this weather causes on my fair skin but I cant bring myself to retreat back into the cool haven that is the burrow. To go inside means to be amongst the bustle of my family and I just need the peace right now, the time alone before _they_ arrive.

It's not that I'm not looking forward to Harry and Hermione coming to stay, far from it, I'm ecstatic; but seeing Harry, being with him and knowing he doesn't even realize my feelings for him hurts. But it's my own fault really because I spend every last mite of my effort attempting to ensure he never finds out.

I just cant risk our friendship it means too much to me, and even if he didn't have an issue with my feelings he hardly needs any more problems then he already has. Homosexuality isn't very widely accepted in the wizarding world mostly it is considered to be some foul disease, Hermione tells me it is more accepted in the muggle world that there is still some persecution but it is becoming more and more just.

Of course Hermione knows; sometimes she is just too smart for my own good and it doesn't help that she thinks I should just tell him the truth, she doesn't understand what that would do.

"Ronald" the twins mocking chorus cuts through the peace of the heat haze causing my eyes to flicker open, I squint into the harsh light until the twins cast a shadow over me, their faces coming slowly into focus. Their identical shit-eating grins cause me to heave a sigh and flop back down onto the grass.

"Oh come now Ronald, our mother is terribly concerned" Fred's light voice berates me.

"Wants her little baby boy inside with her, not outside in the nasty sunlight" George continues effortlessly finishing his twin's sentence without the smallest pause between the two. My eyes drift lazily open again, taking long seconds to adjust before I set my expression to a steady glare my fingers forming a rude gesture before my eyes drift shut again.

"Now, now, now Ronald" George scolds leaning forward to ruffle my hair "You really should listen to us and come inside," again the shift between the two is flawless "Or Harry's gonna think you don't like him and go back to the Dursley's."

My eyes fly open

"What?" I rasp my throat suddenly completely dry.

"Oh well you know how we said he was arriving at dinner time? Well oops I guess we meant lunchtime" The twins grin down at me manically for a second as I try to comprehend their words.

Harry is here inside my house, only meters away from where I am.

I'm on my feet in seconds and striding rather unsteadily towards the house, I'm vaguely aware of the twin's laughter as it follows me but it seems somehow insignificant, unimportant when my Harry is so close. No not mine I remind myself but the second I see him all thought dissolves from my mind and I'm left staring dumbly in the doorway.

He's smiling, saying something to my mother, but I can't understand the words. Only the divine melody of his voice registers in my numbed brain. His brow creases for a second and he turns towards me. His eyes meeting mine twinkle and the smile strengthens until it nearly blinds me in its radiance.

"Ron!"

His arms are wrapped around me before I know it his head rested against my chest, because he cant actually reach any higher, and I'm in heaven. His heat is through me in a second warming my heart like the sun never could. He pulls away far too quickly for my liking and my arms fight my brain to pull him back.

My mothers voice reaches me on some level and I obey taking Harry's bags and carrying them upstairs my eyes downcast because I cant keep staring at him, I have to act normally.

But he's following me up the stairs his light footsteps just distinguishable and I find myself treading lighter so I can hear them.

My room is as clean as it will ever be (meaning you can enter it and there isn't dirty clothing and food all over the floor) Harry's bed already made off to the side within view of my own.

He sits on my bed his eyes looking somewhat tired now that he's away from my family.

"You okay?" thankfully my voice comes out relatively normal although a little husky, images of him spread out on my bed are flitting through my mind. He smiles at me again and nods then shakes his head.

"Better now I'm here" his eyes darken for a moment and my heart clenches.

It hurts so much to seem him like this, he doesn't break often but sometimes when the pain is too much he just cracks. I know I'm the only one he ever does it near and somehow that's worse.

But the worst thing; worse then the pain of seeing him suffer, worse then being unable to help him is that in that moment when his heart breaks and he gives in to the darkness he is the most beautiful thing in existence. But I cant touch him not the way I want to, not at all until he rests his head on my chest and I can drape my arms around him the only comfort I can ever offer.

He turns his smile on me again.

"Sorry Ron I don't mean to burden you like this it's just… you're the only one I can really talk to like this."

I shake my head emphatically, sitting down next to him before I realize what I'm doing. I clench my hands fighting the urge to pull him into my arms and nearly sigh when he rests his head gingerly on my shoulder, tilted up and back eyes closed peacefully.

"I missed you," he mumbles eyelids fluttering a little as he attempts to look at me, I cant resist wiping a stray strand of hair away from his eyes

"Get some sleep Harry, I'll wake you for dinner" he obeys almost instantly sliding back on my bed curling in on himself, his hands curled in light fists by his head on the pillow. I wait ten minutes then slide the glasses from his face and gently drape a blanket over him before settling back on one of the chairs in the corner of the room.

I'm not sure how much time passes my eyes glued to his sleeping figure, but the sun is setting so I'm guessing dinner isn't far off. I don't want to wake him yet he just looks too tranquil and I know he doesn't get much peaceful sleep.

I must have dozed off because, next thing I know Hermione is shaking me awake, the sun hasn't set much further so I cant have been asleep long

"Heya sleepy head" she says quietly, slumping into the other chair "Dinners in half an hour" I nod and straighten, my eyes flitting back over to him he hasn't moved except to lightly grip the blanket in his hands.

"How is he?"

"Not so wonderful" I rasp tearing my eyes away to look at her, her brow creases for a second then evens out as she slides a hand through her hair " We haven't really talked yet, he was exhausted so I told him to go to sleep" she nods then rest a hand on my arm

"How are you doing Ron?"

"I feel like I'm drowning" my response catches me by surprise, but she just nods again, gently squeezing my arm before letting her hand drop.

"You had better wake up Harry" she's out of the room before I really notice she's leaving because my gaze is once again glued to Harry's face.

When I touch him his eyelids flutter and he looks up at me blearily

"Time to get up?" I nod and step back letting him stand and stretch before following him out of the room and down the stairs. I cant look at him, cant stand watching his mask slide perfectly back into place hiding his pain and despair from the world, cant stand that no one can see through it.

His eyes light up when he spots Hermione off to the side talking to Ginny the two girls hug him, then my brothers go to him to ruffling his hair punching him lightly on the shoulder, curls of jealousy clench in my stomach as they touch him but my own mask hides this. Always has… Always will…

Dinner is as always a loud messy affair. We're outside in the garden, one of those rare moments when my whole family is together. Exactly why they're all here I'm not sure but it is nice to see Bill and Charlie it's not often they make it back with their work.

Harry is glowing extra bright tonight compensating for the terrible low he's feeling speaking cheerfully with Charlie about a new hybrid dragon they discovered, I stay quiet mostly making sure to talk and eat enough that I don't draw attention but I'm not really in the mood for celebration not while he is feeling so bad.

The mosquitoes are dive barreling the retardant barrier in the thousands by the time my mum announces with a yawn its time for bed, I feel immensely greatful to her because I can see Harry's completely exhausted, that bastard family of his has been working him to the bone again.

I offer him my bed a thousand times but he declines each time before finally snuggling into the fold out on the floor curling around the second pillow with a contented sigh. It's quiet for about ten minutes and I think he must have fallen asleep but then I hear him stir. I stay still as he turns towards me and his soft voice floats over me like silk.

"You know you're the most important person in my life don't you Ron?"

I don't answer, don't move in the dark because I just don't know what to say, I know what I want to say I want to tell him ' I love' him, that 'I'll never leave him' and that he is 'my precious person' But I cant; he doesn't mean it that way, couldn't mean in that way.

He lies back and the darkness swallow the declaration like it was never there.

.....................................

_Thanks for reading, review if you want… I love to receive them_


End file.
